Best-selling author Jeremie Kubicek joins us to discuss his upcoming book “The Communication Code.”
Jeremie explains the importance of effective communication in relationships, introducing the concept of a communication code consisting of five words that represent different communication needs.
We need to understand and meet expectations in relationships, and a custom communication code can improve communication, trust, and influence.
The importance of intros and outros (2:28)
- Jeremie discusses the significance of intros and outros in influencing others and leaving a positive impression.
The impact of past behavior on present relationships (5:22)
- Jeremie emphasizes the importance of addressing past behavior and apologizing for any negative impact it may have had on current relationships.
The disconnect between intent and perception (7:26)
- Jeremie explores the mismatch that can occur between a person’s intentions and how others perceive their words or actions.
Intentions and Expectations (7:38)
- Explain how intentions and expectations are tied together and how missed expectations can lead to relational drama.
Unrealistic Expectations (8:35)
- Discuss the need for realistic expectations in relationships and how unmet expectations can lead to resigned expectations.
What is The Communication Code? (10:11)
- Introduce the concept of the communication code, which is a tool to help understand and meet the expectations of others in relationships.
Miscommunication with Steve (16:17)
- Jeremie shares an experience where he and Steve had a miscommunication about a business deal, leading to an argument, and they realized the need for better communication.
Creating the Communication Code (19:02)
- After the argument with Steve, Jeremie and Steve created the Communication Code to clarify expectations and avoid miscommunication in their relationship.
The code words and their meanings (23:09)
- Explanation of the five code words: care, celebrate, clarify, collaborate, and critique, and their different meanings and applications in communication.
The importance of care (23:09)
- Discussion on the significance of caring in relationships, understanding the needs of others, and providing a safe space for communication.
The process of clarifying and collaborating (24:53)
- Explanation of the importance of clarifying information before collaboration and critique and the difference between collaboration and critique in the communication code.
The Importance of Trying Something New (29:41)
- Highlighting the need to try something new instead of repeating the same patterns and expecting different results.
How to Interact with the Book and Improve Relationships (30:13)
- Jeremie encourages readers to have a book buddy, take notes, and focus on specific chapters based on their relationship needs.
Links from the Show
- Take the Communication Code Assessment
- Buy the Book on Amazon (affiliate link)
- Connect with Jeremie on LinkedIn
Episode 53 – Full Transcript
Voice of NGL (00:00:00) – New generation leader.
Aaron Lee (00:00:02) – Jeremy Quick is back on today’s episode talking about the communication code. He’s laying down the groundwork for one of the most influential tools that will transform your communication. As he was just giving us a preview of it can help us turn our communication around, help us to become better communicators and change our relationships. Jeremy Kupchak is the best selling author and co-author of the upcoming Communication Code, coming out soon from Wiley. Let’s dive in. Welcome to the New Generation Leader podcast. We’re giving you the tools you need to lead in the digital world, ready to reach your true potential. This is the new Generation Leader podcast. Jeremy, you’ve spent a lot of time with leaders in a lot of sectors, in a lot of cities, in a lot of corners of our world. One of the things that I love talking about, and I loved this conversation we had together about influence a few months ago, seeing where your mind was ten years ago, 12 years ago, about that subject, thinking about relationships and influence and how we build that.
Aaron Lee (00:01:17) – What’s that like when we aren’t intelligent about our relationships and we were just blind and running on autopilot? How is that hold us back?
Jeremie Kubicek (00:01:27) – Yeah, literally. I ran into three leaders, you know, quotes because they have important jobs, relationally unintelligent. In the last 24 hours. And the relationally unintelligent person, they’re unaware that they’re losing influence. And that influence is simply it doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to be to the point where you’re literally losing your reputation as you’re going about your day. Now, they might have been in their head. They might have been thinking about some certain things. One had earphones in, the other two people were just, but they missed the opportunity. Like there’s a time and place when you know you’re going to be on and there’s a time and place when you know you’re going to be off. And so if you’re a leader, if you’re someone who has any positional authority or literally influence authority, then being aware of your environment and who you’re around, who you’re with is a really, really big deal.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:02:28) – And in fact, I teach my kids this all the time. I just call it intro. Outro. Intro is I’m walking in a room, someone walks in the room. What’s my intro to them? I’m leaving a room. What’s my outro to them? And it’s so simple. It’s the little big things. But if you could actually be aware of the fact that any little intro and outro is affect your influence and your reputation because people think what a jerk, the guy’s a jerk. Because why? Because he didn’t say goodbye. Because the way he looked on the way out, well, that guy might have been in his head, or that guy may have been in their heads about something that’s going on. They’re unaware of their behavior. So in their mind is like, what’s the big deal? Seriously. And yet it is a big deal to the majority of the population because it’s the way that people are treated and feel when you come in and when you leave.
Aaron Lee (00:03:24) – Those are big markers. And so often we don’t focus on that.
Aaron Lee (00:03:29) – It’s funny, as you’re talking about outros, one of our good friends we were with this weekend at my wife’s college reunion. This was a big one, ending in a zero year reunion. Yeah. And so we’re hanging out and people from their class milling about at dinner, and one of our friends was in a conversation with somebody he didn’t really know. And all of us, a couple of us heard him and then gave him a hard time about his outro. But his outro, truly at the core, was influence building. It was generous and what he said was, hey man, it was good to see you. I got to run inside and catch up with the kids, make sure they’re doing okay, but hey, if there’s ever anything I can do for you, let me know. And that was what we heard as we debriefed with him later. His intent in that was, hey, if I can get you anything from inside, you know, a drink. You know, he was in the moment.
Aaron Lee (00:04:22) – But the way he said it and presented it was such a. Yeah, a big, generous statement. And so we kind of laughed and gave him a hard time, a little little elbow. But that kind of outro, you know, did he’s a genuine guy. It carried through and a lot of times I think we, we miss those definitely intros outros. I wrote a book a few years ago about parties and hosting, which I know you love, setting the stage for that event, but this book talked about is the Art of gathering, talks about, from the very beginning, the invitation, how you go about the invitation, start setting the stage for what’s going to happen at the table. And so laying the groundwork from the very beginning puts us in that right headspace to then have a transformative conversation.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:05:12) – Absolutely. And so when you think about relationships that you’re in, a lot of times just the way that you’ve treated people in the past will affect the way they view you in the present.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:05:22) – So your past is really important. And if you need to clean up the past by saying, you know what, Aaron? I just got to tell you, I’ve been reading some things. I read the communication code or whatever, some book on, and it was so enlightening. And I realized that I’m so in my head that sometimes I could probably come across as a jerk or I’m not interested, but I really am. But I’m an introvert, or I’m a such and such whore. But would you forgive me? Like I want to? I want to work. I’m working on that. And just know that when we’re together, I’m going to be working on our communication relational trust. I’m going to be working hard to, you know, really connect. So cleaning up the past sets the stage for the present. And if you really, really want to unlock relationships, then you’re going to have to understand your past tone, your whether you brought support or challenge, whether your positional power, your authority, whatever could actually do a lot of damage to people without you being aware of it.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:06:24) – And, you know, if people really knew, they’d be like, are you kidding me? What? Oh, no, that’s not my intent at all. So that internal insight, like the view, it creates awareness, awareness would be knowing yourself should lead to leading yourself, which leads to behavior change, where you start doing things differently than you’ve done in the past. Like if you want different relational dynamics with people and it’s not going well, you’re going to probably have to do things you’ve never done before, and you’re going to have to change in a dramatic way. And that’s what I’ve been writing on, and that’s what I’ve been spending a lot of time on in this last season. And again, we’ve got a book launch coming out here in November. And so it’s really exciting just to be able to help people process relational dynamics because they’re so vital.
Aaron Lee (00:07:11) – So let’s move towards the book launch. Not all the way there yet, but let’s talk about intent and that narrative in our minds and the disconnect that can happen between what we intend but what actually comes out.
Aaron Lee (00:07:26) – What have you seen in some of these relationally unintelligent leaders and experiences you’ve had? Where’s that mismatch between intent and what’s received?
Jeremie Kubicek (00:07:37) – Yeah.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:07:38) – So intent are really intentions. Intentions are really expectations. They all go together. They’re tied together. Right. So I have expectations with my wife that we are going to go on a walk and have a conversation about such and such or whatever, and she doesn’t know. That’s my intent because she can’t read my mind or I have a good friend, and my intent is that we would get more time together. But I haven’t showed that I have time to do that and so have good intentions. But missed expectations are that they would expect me to do X, Y, and Z and I’m not doing it. So intentions without action. They get us in a lot of trouble, and there’s a lot of people with really good intentions. I meant to I was planning to that you didn’t. Right. And so that’s where missed expectations come up. And most drama that happens in any organization, team or relationship is missed expectations.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:08:35) – Now sometimes our expectations, as you and I know, the expectations scale. They’re really unrealistic. They’re almost impossible. Hey, you’re my new best friend. We’re going to get together every other day. We’re going to hang out. We’re going to spend time, we’re going to do a barbecue. We’re going to do like, yeah, I’ve got a family. We’re going to have to lower those expectations. So getting to realistic expectations and what I found is when Steve and I were writing this book, we did a lot of research and talked to a lot of people, but we just kept running into this idea that people don’t share expectations. They have them, but they don’t share them. And those expectations get unmet. Over time. It starts to limit our expectations, and then we get to a point of resigned expectations. You know what Aaron is just you know, he’s just that way. I’ve kind of given up. Sure. Whatever. I’ve got a friendship right now and I’m trying to decide, is it worth it or not? One of my closest friends from way back.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:09:32) – But it’s just times changed. Families changed. It’s like, I don’t think he wants to. And I’m kind of deciding, do I want to? So our expectations of one another have drifted so far, and I’m kind of like, well, maybe that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe that was just a season at a time, right? So what we’re after is giving language and the opportunity to figure out what’s worth it and what’s not worth it.
Aaron Lee (00:09:57) – All right. So take us into the book, Jeremy. This is the communication code coming out this week as we release. I think tomorrow is actually the release day. So walk us through why the communication code?
Jeremie Kubicek (00:10:11) – So actually the book was the concept was written seven, eight years ago, but it was just the right timing. Now, the idea is that every one of us has an expectation about another relationship. And we have we have an ideal code word that we’re really wanting an expectation word like Aaron when we’re together. Here’s what I’m wanting from you right now.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:10:32) – And if I were to give you the code, you would know exactly how. To communicate with me. What happens is oftentimes people are completely unaware, or they just do what they’ve always done inside a relationship and they just naturally critique or share their ideas when it’s not warranted or wanted or they missed the code words. They missed the clues and the signs of the relational dynamic because they’re either too busy or they just think that’s what the other person wants. So what happens then is it literally causes the other person to put up a wall, a kind of self-preservation, and fold their arms and lean back and like, yeah, and they send verbal like nonverbal cues. Yeah. All right. Well thanks, Aaron. Good to see you, buddy. Got to go. And they back out and Aaron’s like what. What is that about. And then you go in about your day and you missed the clue that you miscommunicated you actually cause more of a wall, not less someone. And therefore your cues in clues weren’t theirs, weren’t met.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:11:36) – And the relationship suffers. It really was a story. And Aaron again you’ve I’d love to hear your you’ve experienced it. You’ve used the communication code which we can get into. But I’d love to also hear a story, maybe of you and how it’s affected you, whether in your marriage or in another relationship as well. So that is the reason behind it. We wanted to create a code word almost like the Enigma code in World War two. Once you figure out the code of a person, you can hear all of their messages and it’s no longer cryptic and it’s no longer an enigma. It actually helps you unlock relationships every single conversation that you have.
Aaron Lee (00:12:19) – I think going back to that word intent, so often we don’t realize we know what we’re trying to communicate or what we need. But until you break down this tool of the code, we don’t realize that our intent could be different and it looks different and that we even need a code. But I’m going to zoom back out to 30,000ft before we get into the tool itself, because I think my favorite part of this tool is the overarching picture of in communication, there’s two sides, and if the transmission isn’t received, it may as well just not even have been communicated.
Aaron Lee (00:12:57) – Don’t waste your breath communicating this if you aren’t using the code, laying out expectations and even understanding. And I think through all of my personal conversations, you know, good ones, bad ones. For me personally, experiences I’ve been in, I was telling you, I had coffee with a friend a little while ago, and I was recapping for him some of my life experience and where I’d been, how I’d seen my my voice play out in different settings. And as I think about that and the intent, I have had to purposefully shift my intent to communicate, even in silence, my lack of communicating. Sometimes I got to communicate the intent that, hey, I’m creating space and time for other people to communicate because my tendency would be to just push and drive and railroad. And so I know I’ve done that, and I know I still do that in some settings. And so I can I can vacillate between, hey, I’m pushing or I’m pulling off the pedal. But if I’m not explicit in sharing, hey, I’m pulling off the pedal on purpose, then it looks like on the other side that I’m, I’m withdrawing.
Aaron Lee (00:14:14) – So there’s a, there’s two sides to this communication equation. And no wonder everybody we come in contact with I think they’re route thing. They’re route issue that a team or an individual relationship. Even entire companies I hear so often communications are issue. We’re having a problem with communication. We need help fixing this. Communication is our thing. So I’m so excited that we’re we’re talking communication. You guys have written this book specifically on communication so that we can start this conversation.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:14:45) – It’s actually think about it’s communication inside of relational dynamics. It’s one thing to communicate to communicate I talked to the delivery driver. That’s a transaction I’m not really we’re talking about communication inside relationships. How many relationships in your life are not at the highest level? If you said ten was your highest best ever couldn’t be better. That’s ten. Now rank ten people in your life, ten of your closest relationships, or ten people that you spend the most amount of time with. Rank those relationships well with John on the seven with Sarah, I’m a six with Tom, I’m an eight with and you go all the way through and with these people on a three for four.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:15:25) – Why? What goes on? Well, they wear me out. They don’t stop talking. They don’t seem interested in me. It’s always about them, right? They’re toxic, whatever the issue is. So it kind of ties all of this in this intent, expectations, communication. So for me, it was this came for those wanting to know where this came from. We created an actual tool code sequence, five code words that you can use that unlock people. And it came from Steve Cockrum and my business partner. I’ve come back. I was living back in America. We’d been in the UK for a number of years, came back and we were working on this one project and we kind of Steve and agreed to kind of the terms like, here’s what we think we ought to do when we’re with them. Well, when I was with them, the terms changed, but they weren’t bad. They just were different. I mean, it wasn’t a big deal, but we we got the business.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:16:17) – We got it. It’s just not how we thought it was going to be. But we still got it and it was still very good for us anyway. So had this meeting in the States, I came back to meet with Steve. I was so excited to see him. And then I had a list of things I wanted to talk about, but this was the top of my list, so I just assumed we’re at this place called Jack analysis, Cool Little Coffee Shop and George Cross. And we were sitting there and it was kind of a brisk day outside, and it just kind of a warm feeling. I think it was even around the holidays, it kind of just felt very festive. So I was excited and I just said, man, Steve, I’m just so fired up. I’ve got to tell you, with this deal, I won’t say the name, but this deal, we got it. We landed it like just two days ago. And I held off from telling you because I wanted to tell you in person, but I’m so excited.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:17:03) – And, you know, he high five. And then I go, it’s now it’s going to be different than what we thought. Instead of X, Y and Z, it’s actually going to be A, B and C, but I was there to celebrate. That’s really what I wanted. Steve wanted to collaborate, but. Showed up as critique, which was we found that the norm for him historically, and we all have it. I have a norm. He has a norm. You do. All of us. We have a default tendency. So he starts going, huh? But that’s not how we said it was going to be. And go, yeah, but I mean it was it’s ABC xyz. It literally is. It’s all happening. Yeah. But and then he goes into this questioning that in his mind was collaboration. To me. It was critique which equaled critical. And all of a sudden all of the past of Steve came back to me, because that’s what I had experienced in my two years of living in the same world with him.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:18:01) – I had experienced that same thing. So all of the past started to dredge up, and all of a sudden I went from high five and smile and excitement to leaning back, arms starting to get folded. I start turning red in his critique because I thought it was excessive to what the deal was. The deal still happened. It’s not. This is minor, not major. So I stopped speaking and he’s like, man, I know I’ve upset you. What’s happening? He goes, you always get defensive, right? And that set off this argument. So we had this epic fight in the middle of Jack and Alice. When I was wanting to have this amazing celebration. I wasn’t looking for a parade. I was literally just looking to celebrate this thing. We weren’t six months on, and right then and there we stopped and we built the communication code because I said, this is what I was looking for, Steve. And he goes, I was looking for celebration. And maybe, maybe you could clarify where you have questions.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:19:02) – But I wasn’t looking for critique or in feeling of being critical. I don’t even want to collaborate right now. I just want to. And we wrote down the words with the five words, right. They’re the code words, and we kind of figured out what was happening. And that happens all the time. It happens in every relationship where someone misses the code word of what the desired expectation would be of the other person, but the other person doesn’t share it. And in my case with Steve, I wanted to say, well, why wouldn’t you know, self just being relationally intelligent, you would know what I was wanting. In his mind he gets, oh, why didn’t you tell me? If you really wanted it, you would have told me. And that’s where we created the communication code. And so we’ve been using it for seven, eight years inside the giant ecosystem. It’s just time for it to become a book.
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Aaron Lee (00:21:05) – But what if you could add a trusted technology advisor to your team? The power of a 12 time Inc 5000 honoree, and leverage their purchasing power to get the best possible deal on your video conferencing, your phones, internet access, network security, and every other technology need you have. That’s the power of Sandler Partners. Our friends at Sandler are offering our listeners a 15 minute conversation. No pressure. Explore your needs and see if it’s a good match. If they can’t add value to your technology spending after 15 minutes, they’ll let you know. Explore your tech spending at new generation leader.fm/sandler. Oh, and one of my favorite things. And I say this to teams when we walk through these codes, is that we can feel like we need to go teach the code to somebody else in order to use it. And my favorite thing about this is the code words. You can use it. Hey, can we celebrate this right now? I know the word. It makes sense to you and I’ve given it to you.
Aaron Lee (00:22:06) – You don’t know anything about the communication code, but I’ve fed you the code word. So now you’re ready to celebrate. And for me, care is the one that I struggle with the most. I’m guessing that’s probably similar to Steve as well. And? And I see all the time. Me too. Yeah. My wife reminds me, hey, our daughters, they don’t need you to critique. They don’t need you to collaborate. They need you to care. And in this moment, that’s all they need. And so I take that reminder then and filter through the situation. Because the girls are younger, they’re still working on developing that skill of leading themselves to feed me and feed us the code. But I can pay attention to that code and recognize, hey, it’s it’s time for a different code right now. Let me shift from shift my intent from autopilot to intentionality and bring that intent forward. Absolutely.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:23:03) – No. It just makes sense. So for those listening, there’s five code words. Can I go ahead and give it to them? Yep.
Aaron Lee (00:23:08) – Go for it. Yeah.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:23:09) – So celebration. There’s care. There’s clarity clarification to clarify. There’s collaboration and there’s critique. And there’s a time for each one of those. But it’s really what is the other person looking for in that moment. Sometimes you’ll be like, hey, I just I just need you to care. I need to talk. And I don’t really want any critique. I’m not here to collaborate. Put those tools up. I just need you to listen. ZIP the lips, open ear. I just need to talk. And that will happen in a lot of relationships and a few relationships, especially the more intimate they are. You need a place and sometimes that can be a nurturers can do it a spouse or a child. But there’s also care. Like Steve, who’s a pioneer, he needs care. He says stuff to me like, hey, can I just talk? He needs to get the poison out. That’s actually a safe place for him to talk about something that’s bothering him.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:24:03) – So you can extrovert it and get that extrovert intuition out, everything out. And then he’s like, okay, I’m good. I was probably probably being irrational. I just had to talk it out. But it was a safe place and that’s me showing care to a pioneer. So care can look different to different voices. What it is, is care is just knowing what the other person’s needs are at that moment and being available to help in whatever way you can. So that’s care. Then we go to celebrate. Celebration is it’s just enjoying and like we’ve worked so hard. Let’s take a moment to celebrate. Let’s take a moment just to go. We did it. We did what we said we’re going to do. That can be a high five. That could be lunch. That could be. We got a fun dinner and we laugh our heads off. And now we’re back to business as usual. It’s not for some people. They really struggle. And in the book I write a lot in there about what celebration is and isn’t.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:24:53) – And if you have a hard time with celebration, how to do it. So it’s really, really functional, very practical. But for me, I’m not looking for a parade. I’m celebrating us, not celebrating me. And so that’s an interesting one. And then we get into clarify. And clarify is really about making sure that you have the right information. I want to make sure you have the context before you start collaborating with me. I want to make sure you know what I’m talking about before you start critiquing anything. Because if you’re off, we’re going to waste time like, no, no, no, no, no, that’s not what I’m talking about at all. Let’s get you and I on the same page when I know you’re on the same page. And I know that your intent is good, then I’m going to be more open for you to collaborate or critique. And there’s times where I’ll need critique. Do you like? Yes or no. And I need that. I need that feedback.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:25:45) – Right. But need to know that you know, that we’re on the same page. Then collaboration is different than critique. Collaboration is an I’m working on something I want to play here with you. Let’s make it better. Like what do you think here? Let’s work. And what would you do here? And what do you think of this collaboration is it’s like the mold, the what do you call it? The clay is still being formed. Critique is when I’ve already built this, I think it’s pretty good. Let’s shoot a hole in it. Is there one last test? Critique it if it’s already, but don’t critique it when it’s just an idea. Let it form, clarify first, then collaborate, and then when it’s ready, then critique. There’s a time and place for all of them. And so these are code words. When you know and understand the code word, you can begin to really, really open the relational dynamics because people trust you on.
Aaron Lee (00:26:36) – Our team is using these code words and will proactively use it.
Aaron Lee (00:26:41) – And say at any given time, hey, this is this percentage complete? We need to do more of this, you know, critique, collaborate, make it better. Is my colleague Jeff’s code word make it better, make it better. Let’s make it better. But at some point, you know, we do then need to celebrate. And for our team, we don’t celebrate all that often. We’re on to the next thing. So hey, let’s let’s time out. This is worth celebrating. Let’s recognize what’s been accomplished. So having those words invites even more opportunity for teams to thrive because it allows you to better understand. Almost have a smart cut is my go to word on a lot of things. These are great smart cuts to make all of your communication more intentional and more efficient as you’re working together. That’s it.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:27:30) – And in this book, what I love, honestly, and that sounds funny when, you know, I’ve written a number of books and so I love the process of it.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:27:38) – But the first third of the book helps you get up to speed with your past. It actually is a journey that’s pretty painful, but really, really helpful to get to the point of like, oh my goodness, this is what it’s like to be on the other side of me, huh? Very practical and very interesting. Then you get to the point where we’re like, okay, now let’s learn the present, the communication code. So let’s practice those words now and then it goes really in depth in each one. If you go, I really don’t know how to care at all. It’s how do I care chapter. How do I learn to celebrate? How do I learn to clarify? How do I learn to critique without being critical? Every one of the key words that have a chapter and then it’s this section of like, is the relationship worth it? And what’s my game plan? And ultimately what we’re after is we want people to build their own communication code per person. So let’s go.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:28:34) – Erin, what are my expectations of you when we meet? This is what I’m really looking for. I’m looking for care, but it’s going to look different with you than it might be with my wife. Or I want to celebrate. It’s going to be different than it would be with Steve. So there’s code words and we almost get to the default. But like custom communication code per person is powerful. Once you know the words and once you know the word of your spouse, you’re like, oh my goodness. For 20 something years, I thought it was this you’re finally we’re actually writing it out and you’re telling me, Karen looks like this? Oh my God, had no idea. I’ve missed it this entire time. And once you do, the other person feels celebrated and honored and like it literally unlocks a relationship for a whole new season of communication, of relational trust, of influence. And that’s what we’re after. We’re wanting people to become more relationally intelligent. We’re wanting them to to have code words, to figure it out, to solve it, versus the definition of insanity.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:29:41) – Right? Doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results. It just doesn’t work. Try something new. And so that’s what the communication code is. And so it’s it’s an amazing book, honestly, for the holidays as a Christmas present. Give it as a gift to people. Practice it. It’s great for teams like, okay, Carol wants so-and-so. Zach he’s looking for got it. Yeah. It’s clues, code words. So that’s where I’d encourage people to go deeper.
Aaron Lee (00:30:13) – You kind of touched on this and following on the definition of insanity, we can kind of get in our our own pattern of how we read books. And I know a lot of my friends read books in different ways. How would you encourage people to use this book to interact with it?
Jeremie Kubicek (00:30:33) – Yeah, so I would have a book buddy, and this one, if you had one other person that’s going through it as well, you know, buy a book for someone and go through. With them. You can have it.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:30:43) – They go through it. Whether it’s a spouse, maybe you want to do it with a friend and then get a spouse later or whatever. But what I do is I would go through the first two intro, the first two chapters, and I would take epic notes of like, oh my goodness, these are my power dynamics. This is what I expect that my missed expectations and we’re just kind of reviewing the past. Chapter three is simple. It’s just understanding the communication code. Then you’re now going, which one do I need to work on the most? Pick one of the five C’s and go to that chapter. So if my issue is critique, I critique, but I don’t know. Then get a critique, figure it out and I want to be better at care. Read those two chapters next, and then decide on what relationship and the very beginning of the book. We ask you what relationships do you want to improve? To be thinking about those people all the way through? At the end, it’s like, is it worth it? What’s my game plan? What do I need to change to unlock this relationship? So that’s how I would read the book.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:31:45) – Good question.
Aaron Lee (00:31:47) – We’ll link to the book. There’s also an assessment online. We’ll link to the assessment you can take as a precursor to the book. Reflect on your own code. We’ll link to both of those in the show. Notes that new generation leader.fm/5 three. So, Jeremy, in the spirit of communication code, I know this is probably one of the best questions to ask you individually. What are you celebrating right now beyond the book? I know book launch is an exciting season, but what else is happening right now in your world that you’re celebrating?
Jeremie Kubicek (00:32:19) – I have my wife and I. We have three kids, 25, 23 and 21. We had this almost. It was a miracle that took place with our daughter, with our oldest, and we’re just celebrating that mean, unbelievable and just a health thing. That was just such a cool experience. So we’re celebrating that. We’ve got a new son in law coming into the picture this next year, and possibly another new son in law. So we may have all of our three kids married by the end of 2024.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:32:47) – So that’s personal. We’re celebrating that. As for me, I’m spending some time in a fun, interesting season where I’m pruning and I’m pruning and I go kind of three years at a time, and I’m kind of the end of a three year cycle, and I’m closing the chapters of certain books that I’ve been working on. When I say books mean projects and I’m opening some new, but I’m actually feeling very bullish and just excited about the future. And so kind of answering this question of what do I want more of? And when I say more, I don’t mean money, I just want what do I want more of? And I’m answering that question and kind of resetting my world so that I’m the most free, the most alive. But I want to fulfill my potential. I want to start fulfilling my potential in 2024. And that’s what that’s physical. That’s, you know, as a 52 year old, how do I maximize my potential? And I believe 55 to 72 are the most influential years in a person’s life.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:33:53) – So kind of gearing up for that. And, you know, I feel like I have three more years, one more round of a three year term to be set and ready for my 55 to 72. I can see it, I can feel it. And so now I’m just trying to live in it. So that’s my creative answer to that question.
Aaron Lee (00:34:14) – One of the things I love about watching you flying alongside you, getting to experience the fruit of what you create along your journey, is that you’re taking all of these personal life experiences, just like the conversation with Steve and Gerrards Cross, putting it into practice and application so it can can multiply to the world around you. And so thanks. Thanks for opening up your life story to share with us and share with the world and bring all that to life. So on the heels of that, I’m going to give you, I’m going to ask one more question about what you just said. What is it about three years that has made that the cycle for you?
Jeremie Kubicek (00:34:57) – Well, there’s a number of you think about it.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:35:01) – If you go back to it from a spiritual side, Jesus changed the world in three years. He got his guys. He discipled an apprentice, his guys. In three years. There is a natural cycle of envision set up, build, get it healthy and multiply. And that idea is like, yeah, it should take about three years to get things done in our world. The world just so fast. It’s not like the past era of, you know, society, industrial revolution. We’re in the digital revolution. We have been and we’re moving into a hyper digital relational authenticity. So. The speed of change is so quick. Think three years is a life and I think we live multiple three year cycles. Those of us who are involved in innovation in any way. So to me, it’s just that’s the number that I’ve felt that I’ve kind of said to myself and to go, yeah. And I look back and go, yep, wow, that was three years there. Sometimes it’s five.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:36:03) – That was a five year term, a three year term. Now, by the way, I’m not I don’t leave I’m doing this inside of giant. You know I started giant in 2000.
Aaron Lee (00:36:12) – More than three years ago. Yeah.
Jeremie Kubicek (00:36:14) – So it’s not what I’m saying is you get rid of your companies, it’s you might change your role. You might change your mindset. You might change the way you do certain things. So it’s not leaving jobs every three years. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that your world can shift. It shifts when your kids go to college. It shifts when the kids have kids. You know, there’s there’s seasons and seasons and cycles, and I just feel like a three year cycle makes sense.
Aaron Lee (00:36:43) – Yeah, well, we’re talking about a book launch of the communication code. So open a new chapter. It’s not always a new book, just a new chapter, a new section to that. That’s good. I like that in thinking, you know, sometimes thinking five, ten, 20 years, people want you to look way far out, but three three feels a lot more doable and practical and and also a good reminder that, hey, this isn’t forever.
Aaron Lee (00:37:09) – Let’s cast that out a little bit. What can we do in three years? Well, as always, Jeremy, thanks for sharing. What’s going on in your world? Thanks for opening up the communication code for us. Get your copy, we’ll link to that. And again the communication code assessment you can take and see. Hey how’s my communication code looking for me personally. We’ll link to that in the show notes at new generation leader.fm/5 three. Thanks to Jeremy. Thanks to Jay Smack, the voice of the podcast. And as always, thanks to you for listening. Thanks for listening to the new Generation Leader podcast. Subscribe today on your favorite podcasting platform. Ready to solve your leadership crisis? Download the show notes and unlock your true leadership potential at New Generation Leader. Complete cast. Thanks for listening today and we look forward to seeing you next time on the new Generation Leader podcast.